Whatsapp Funny Jokes Message

One day....
Santa:hello! Kay his pa train aati hai
man:nahi par ana wali hai par tum kuy puch rahaho
santa:kuaki mara dost banta ko jor sa potty lagi huiya hai.

Adult Whatsapp jokes Message

Santa Banta Park Mein Sair Kar Rahe The, Ek Premi Jode Ko Pyar Karte Dekh Banta Ne Santa Se Puchha.
Banta: “Vasna, Pyar Aur Shadi In Teenon Mein Kya Antar Hai?”
Santa: “Sirf Panty Ka Antar Hai”
Banta: “Wo Kaise?”
Santa: “Vasna Mein Panty Ko Fadte Hai, Pyar Mein Utarte Hai Aur Shadi Mein Dhote Hai“
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Boy N Girl Chating On Whatsapp.
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Girl- Din Bhar whatsapp Pe Online Hai
Chutiya Hai Kya ?
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Boy- Tu Hogi Chutiya.
Tera Pura Khandan Chutiyaa.
Aur wapp Tere Baapka Hai Kya..????
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Girl (After 3-4 Minutes),
I Was Asking About
Holidays.. (Chhutiya)

Adult Whatsapp Jokes On Bache Ki College Trip

College Ke Trip Par Bache Ghumne Gaye
Thhe, Aur Usmein Santa Ki Beti Chinki Bhi
Thhi,
Jaisa Ki Aap Log Jante Ho Ki Jaha 1 Se Jyada
Ladkiya Ho, Vaha Bas Duniya Bhar Ki Ajeebo
Gareeb Baatein Shuru.
Ese Hi Chinki Ki Ek Friend Ne Sabhi Friends
Ke Aage Ek Question Rakha.
Ladki: “Koi Btayega Ki Doodh Aur Ladki Mein
Kya Faraq Hota Hai”
Chinki: “Ja Pagli Tujhe Itna Bhi Nahi Pata,
Doodh Jab Gharam Hota Hai To Malayi Uper
Aati Hai, Aur Ladki Jab Garam Ho To Malayi
Niche Aati Hai”.

Whatsapp Message: Funny Picture Message Jokes On Whatsapp

here some of fumiest image jokes for whatsapp, todays best jokes on whatsapp, you can use this jokes message on whatsapp status.

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Funny Picture On Whatsapp

Whatsapp Message: Short Jokes Message For Whatsapp

the top question answer jokes message for whatsapp.

Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?
A: Feyoncé!!

Q: Why can’t a bike stand on itself?
A: Because It is two tired.

Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven was a well known six offender.

Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens?
A: A meowntain.

Q: How does NASA organize their company parties?
A: They planet.

50 Super Funny whatsapp jokes message, only one liner but really so stupid funny.

1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

23. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

24. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

25. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

26. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

27. What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

28. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

29. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

30. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

31. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

32. Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

33. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

34. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

36. Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

37. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

38. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

39. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

40. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

41. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

42. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

43. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

44. Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

45. I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

46. You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

47. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

48. Dry erase boards are remarkable.

49. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

50. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

Whatsapp Jokes Nessage: 100 Super Funny One Liner Jokes For Whatsapp

What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
You are just jealous of me. The reason being - I make your spouse scream louder than you!

Man: Why are beating your son in law so badly?
He replies: I sent hi message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!

Boy messages text his Girl "Honey, I can't live without you! When you come to me?"Here is the KILLING Reply -"Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?"

I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!

Photographer: My secret of success is? 'Think negative'!

Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect!

Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you...
Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!

I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!

My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!

It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!

How Bedroom smells after marriages:

First 3 months - Perfumes and Flowers!

After 12 months - Baby Powder, Cream, diapers and Lotions!

After 7 Years - Balms, Move and pain killers..

Why do she make weird faces in pictures? Because it's better to look ugly on purpose.
Description: Here we poke fun at the people who pretend to be over-smart. Some people think that they are very genius that we can not smell what's happening in their mind. But they catch her. I know she is not beautiful so that is why she makes crazy faces in pictures. After reading 'ugly on purpose' statement, no-one can control their laughter.

When will Persian cats begin to join the armed forces?
When you cut their furlough.
submitted by Julia Gandrud

If Olive Oil is made from Olives and Vegetable oils from Vegetables, then what is Baby oil made from???
submitted by Naveen Khanna

Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
Me : Me too, after you leave!!

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my but-t."

One day little sunny and his friend were playing by a stream. Sunny noticed a bush and went over to it. His friend couldn't figure out why sunny was at the bush for so long so he went over to the bush to have a look. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing without any clothes in the stream.
While playing, suddenly little sunny took off running. His friend couldn't understand why he had run away so he took off after him. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he had run away. Little Johnny said, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady
I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Dad: What time did you go to bed last night?
Me: Sorry but that information is confidential!
Point of laughing: This is very exhilarated joke. It portrays the conversation between parents and their teenagers. They are so fun and party loving that asking for what time they sleep really creates the situation to laugh on. It need not to be disclosed!

Warning: Touching wire can cause instant death.
250$ fine too!

I think...therefore, I'm.... single!

World's shortest Joke ever is when Doctor asks: How's your headache?
Patient: She is fine!
Description: So if you are married you better understand this. She always go after you and can not see you happy at all. She keeps on the burden of expectation to husband and filled with endless complaints. So how is that!

My neighbor is so short, when he sneezes, he hits her head on the floor.
Description: The right joke when you want to make punch on those small height people. Their forehead touches the ground, LoL. Thank God they don't fall down and roll!

Never ask for the ‘High Five' from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five'!

Yo mama so small she poses for trophies!

The surprising thing you can hear from a midget is 'Your hair smells good'.

He asked me: How's the weather up there? and I replied: Its warm, how's it down there?

Girl goes on a party but on her way she hits a small car. the car stops and a dwarf comes out. He runs to the girl's cars and yells "I am not Happy!" so she replies: "Then which one are you?"

Once a midget gets on an elevator and somehow pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The short man stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen." The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., and I repair fax machine, I'm Turner Brown." He faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., I repair fax machines, my name is Turner Brown." He looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said ‘I am a s ex machine, Turn Around'."

Girl having Lessor height goes to the doctors with a sore fanny, she says can you cure it doctor, he says yes, goes down below with a pair of scissors.
After he finished, she asks: Have you cured it.
Yes, doctor says
But how? Girl asks?
I just cut two inches off the top of your wellies!!

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Interpretation: Don't try above formula to impress your boos. Just kidding. But how smarty he uses the terms early and late just by replacing one with another.

I want you to continue sacking. I don't want people to believe that we've one soft.

For quick personal success, listen to my mantra: 'Please your boss'!
Interpretation: It is strange but true! As I am doing extremely well by doing so. Try your best to make your boss happy, laugh with him, say yes to his all wrong decisions and grow enough.

Mack: What sign were you born under?
Silky: No Parking!
Description: What a hilarious reply. Mack was just asking about her sun-sign but she made him fool by her witty answer. It also refers that she believes in breaking the rules even since from her birth!

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
Explanation: Don't underestimate old people! They are much experienced in everything and their stamina rocks. That is why she surprised he grandson by her reply. Can you imagine? Really so brave but funny too!

Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage.
- Jim Kinloch

Whatsapp Funny Message Chating Last Night With My GF

Funny Whatsapp Jokes Message Picture

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf, that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.
Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge !"
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Whatsapp Jokes Message On A Conversation Between God And a Man

Awesome Conversation between God And a Man. Read it and don’t forget to share it with your friends.

Man: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Man: Promise You won’t get mad …

God: I promise

Man: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Man: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Man: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Man: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Man: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Man: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Man (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Man: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work.

Man (embarrassed): Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Man (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn’t think you wanted to be in the dark.
??
Man: I’m Sorry God

God: Don’t be sorry, just learn to Trust Me…. in All things , the Good & the bad.
??
Man: I will trust You.

God: And don’t doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
??
Man: I won’t God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
??
God: You’re welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Childre
***

Funny Super Adult Jokes Message Status For Only 16+

a huge collction of adult funny joke message for whatsapp user. here , in this website you find, a lots of collection of funny whatsapp jokes.

Ladki ne kiya kiss aur jal gye ladke k Lips.
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wah-wah
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thoda or gaur farmaiye
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Ladki ne kiya kiss or jal gye ladke k Lips.
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Kyuki Vo kha kar ayi thi INDIAN "BINGO RED CHILLY CHIPS".
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Collection Of Funniest Whatsapp Jokes Message Status Ever

Here are some of the funniest whatsapp jokes message collection. All The jokes are in hindi language.

Husband: aaj tumhari behen ko Ghar
per dekh kar badi khushi ho Rahi hai..
Wife: Jeans Pehan Lo!! Pajame main
Khushi saaf Dikhai de Rahi hai...
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Interviewer - aapko kitne saalo ka
experience hai ....????
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Santa - sir, maine kabhi saalo ko try
nahi
kiya,
lekin mujhe 2 saaliyo ka experience hai
Thoko Comment If You Like My jokes.

One of the Funny Image Amir And Salman

Funniest Jokes Message On My Whatsapp

last day one of my friend send me some jokes message on my whatsapp messenger. here i share those with you.

Principal: Apne Bachhe Ko Zara Tameez Sikhaao
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PARENT: Kya Hua Sir......??
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Principal: Aplication Form K SEX Waale Column Mein Likha Hai,
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"Kabhi Mauka Hi Nahi Mila"
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1 ladki raste se jaa rahi thi,side
se achanak bike nikli..!
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. Ladki: Abey! Oye maarega kya ?
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. .me : mood to nahi hai, par degi to
maar loonga....

Funniest Whatsapp picture

Funny Jokes Whatsapp: Some Short Jokes For Whatsapp Message

Real Short But funny whatsapp jokes collection in hindi language. so whatsapp user in india cheer up with some funny jokes.

Jokes On Whatsapp: 01
Kapde sukte dekh Sasur: ye kala kapda kiska hai.
Saas: bahu ki panty hai!
Sasur: kabhi pehne nahi dekha isliye pucha.

Jokes On Whatsapp: 02
 Sardar apni bivee ko c-hod raha tha, itne mein usko dost aata hai aur darwaze ki ghanti bajata hai, sardar poore paanch minute baad darwaza kholta hai

Dost : Badi der laga di
Sardarni : Chattni kut rahe the
Dost : Bhabhi mere ko chatni chata deyo
Sardarni : Mai kunda toh dho aayee, sote pe laggi hai woh Chat layo

Jokes On Whatsapp: 03
 ek chor ladki pakdi gayi

Constable wahan pahuncha aur bola teri statement leni hai, woh usko doosre kamre mein le gaya aur c-hod diya

Thodi time baad Hawaldar aaya bola teri statement leni hai, woh bhi uss ladki ko ek kamre may leke c-hod diya.

Phir Inspector aaya, woh bhi bola teri statment leni hai

Ladki boli Saab ji, statement to sujji padi hai, kal le lena

Jokes On Whatsapp: 04
 Miyan Musharraf, Randi khane gaye, Ek Randi ko unhone pakad liya, aur bola "Ek ghante ka kitna legi"

Randi :Muft, aap ke liye phree

Musharraf : Muft?? woh kyun??

Randi : Behanc-hod tu wardi to utarega nahi, to karega kya....

Jokes On Whatsapp: 05
 Ek Motey pet wala raste sey ja raha tha.
Kuch nat khat ladkiyon ney puccha" Lalaji, matkey ka kya bhav hai?"
Lala bola:"Nul key saath, 50 rupiya!"

Jokes On Whatsapp: 06
 WIFE ANGRILY:main yeh ghar chhod ke ja rahi hoon

Husband shouts back: bhag jaa kamini... mera LUN pay chadh!

Wife: Tumhari yehi khoobsurat batein mujhe janey nai deti

Jokes On Whatsapp: 07
 Ek ladki dusri ko:
Kal Sapnay main Mujhe koi chaaqu Maar raha tha

Doosri ladki:
Tu Darr matt, Agar sapnay Sach hotay to main Rozana Pragnent hoti

Jokes On Whatsapp: 08
 Dadi : Jawani Main meri ek Chappal ek Saal Chal Jati Thi, Par ab ek mahina
Bhi Nahi Chalti

Poti: Wok kion….?

Daadi: Jawani Main Meri Taangain Aksar Uppar Rehti Thi Na.

Jokes On Whatsapp: 09
 Ek baba peshab kar raha tha, ek larki ne dekh liya aur boli:

Baba ji aapka lun to Chawal k jitna hai.

Baba: Ye purana chawal hai, aapke patilay main ja kar foolega.

Jokes On Whatsapp:10
 HoT Bird TV: Sardar jee aap ka khada ho jaata hai to kya karte ho?

Sardarji: Biwi k paas ja k LET jata hun

HoT Bird TV: Agar phir bhi khada rehta hai to?

Sardarji: To uski thukai kar leta hun

Jokes On Whatsapp:11
 Ek ladka bola ladki se: are tu to bahut kaali hei

Ladki aag babula ho gayee aur boli: isme tere baap ka kya gaya?

Ladka bola: agar mere baap ka gaya hota to tu itni kaali na hoti

Jokes On Whatsapp:12
 One time 3 girl sitting in tonga ... horse driven cart ... they go somewhere.

Ek Ladki ne budau tange wale se pucha: Baba bada lund jyada maza deta hei ke chota?

Tangey wale ne kuch jawab nahee diya ... ladki ne fir yahi sawal puchha

Eisssa usne teen chaar baar duhraya ... bar bar puchne par budha tang aakr bola: Bada lund jyada maja deta hei

Tabh unmein se ek ladki has kar dusre se boli: dekha main na kahti thi ke, Baba gand marwate hein.

Jokes On Whatsapp:13
 Ok thoda hat ke..

But tum ko complete kana padenga..

Ok.. ek sher..

Zar diya, zameen diya, kyaa diyaa kyaa nahiiii diyaa janaane ko..

Aage finis karo

Jokes On Whatsapp:14
 With Freedom comes Responsibility.
With Responsibility comes Freedom - Indian govt officials
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Absolutely Worst Whatsapp Dirty Joke You Ever Heard

Here are some jokes are really so much dirty but with lol funny.

Whatsapp Very Dirty Jokes Number: 01

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

Funny Jokes For Whatsapp: The Best Dirty Jokes Ever:02

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup. 

Superb Dirty Whatsapp Jokes: 03

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard." 

Funny Jokes Whatsapp

Whatsapp Message Jokes: A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?

He says 'Yes - just caffeine.'

'Have you ever been in the service?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'

The guy says, 'Yes...an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right
now.

Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 -
and plan on starting at 10 AM, every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why
don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says, 'For the first two
hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that.'

Jokes Message On Whatsapp: Old One With New Twist

Got this one in a old bengali book, can't recall total:

Alex asked Sammy: Boy get sandwich for me from that restaurant, and bring one for you also.

Sammy got back chewing a sandwich, : " Hey Mister your balance''.

Alex: Where is mine?

Sammy: "There was only one in the shop."

Whatsapp Jokes Message: The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Sarkozy paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Sarkozy asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well mate," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners

Whatsapp Jokes On AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

Super Funny Whatsapp Sexy Jokes Message

A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.

He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.

He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.

Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom.

The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes.

He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you."

The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute.

So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."

Whatsapp Jokes On Arvind Kejriwal Is So Honest!

1. Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him ” do I look fat”

2. Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party , he calls the cops at 10pm

3. Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate

4. Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads

5. Kejriwal is so honest that he always removes USB safely

6. Kejriwal is so honest that when he finds the bomb , he returns it to the terrorist

7. Kejriwal is so honest that he got his wife’s brother arrested for stealing his shoes during his marriage ceremony!

8. Kejriwal is so honest that he cooks maggi only for 2 minutes

9. Kejriwal is so honest that he actually “rolls on the floor laughing” when he texts ROFL

10. Kejriwal is so honest that whenever he downloads a movie online, he buys a ticket to see it

11. Kejriwal is so honest that he demands a receipt even from Autowallas

12. Kejriwal is so honest that he hasn’t installed any anti-virus on his system because he does not want any kind of “security”

13. Kejriwal is so honest that he was found standing on weighting machine naked for accurate measurement

14. Kejriwal is so honest that he doesn’t take extra sauce sachets with Mc’D burgers

15. Kejriwal is so honest that he admits when he farts

Hindi Whatsapp Jokes: A Programmer And A Management Guy

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”

The man below replies, “You must work in management.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

Source: Whatsapp!

Whatsapp Best Funny Jokes Message: Adult Exclusive

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 01

Santa Banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

• 
  
• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 02

 BoY : Ro kyu rhi ho..??

GaL : �� Mere Marks bahot kam aaye hai...

BoY : Bata kitne aaye hai..??

GaL : ��Sirf 88% ..

Boy : Khuda ka Khauf kr ..
Itne mein to 2 Ladke Pass ho jate hai...!!

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 03

 Teacher to Pappu : Why are u late?
all ur classmates came to class on
time.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student : “Jhund me kutte ate hain
sir.. sher to akela ata hai.

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 04

 My Boss installed WhatsApp and texted me
'Oye Joke Bhej...!'

I replied 'sir pehle batao increment kab hoga?---'

Boss Replies: 'Mast tha !!
Aur bhej..

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 05

Height of Nonsense:

A girl gv a pendrive 2 a
boy &
said "isme Facebook daal k dena"

Boy gave her a shitty look
&
Then girl said: .
"Kya hua 2GB me nai ayega kya ?"

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 06

Boy asked his dad 4 a bike.

Dad : why did god give u 2 legs ?

Boy : one to change gear &
Other to apply break.”!

Youngster rock.
Parents shock…:D

• Whatsapp Jokes Message For Adult: 07

Wife: oji sunte ho velentine day ki din aap mujhe kaha ghumane leke jaa rahe ho.

Husabnd: imagica...

Neil Nitin Mukesh Whatsapp One Liner Jokes message

Neil Nitin Mukesh

1. Neil Nitin Mukesh vote thrice in election.

2. Neil Nitin Mukesh can vote to three different parties in one election.

3. Kitne aadmi the? Sardar.. 3, Neil Nitin Mukesh

4. Gutthi can do a complete 5 minute intro joke sequence with Neil Nitin Mukesh. “Nitin-Neil, Neil-Nitin, Neil-Mukesh

5. Neil Nitin Mukesh Can’t Ride Bike…Coz Tripling Is Now Allowed..!

6. Happy times for Alok Nath since he’d get to do 3 Kanyadaans at Neil Nitin Mukesh’s wedding.

7. Neil Nitin Mukesh was the reason behind “Kabool hai, kabool hai, kabool hai”

8. Neil Nitin Mukesh can take a hat-trick in a single ball.

9. Sequel of Amar Akbar Anthony will be called Neil Nitin Mukesh

10. Only Neil Nitin Mukesh can complete a Three -years diploma course in just one year.

11. Neil Nitin Mukesh will play Tom, Dick and Harry in the remake.

12. Neil Nitin Mukesh has never done a double role. Because thats not possible.

13. Chetan Bhagat’s next Novel - Three mistake of my life – Neil Nitin Mukesh!!!

14. Neil Nitin Mukesh once booked a ticket on IRCTC and got W/L, RAC & Confirmed ticket for himself!

Whatsapp Message Jokes On A Man And A Woman

Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: What color is your Ferrari?

Hindi Whatsapp Non Veg Jokes Status Message For Making Fun

• Some very funny jokes for whatsapp.

Once Rajnikant Send A Non-Veg Joke To An Innocent And Religious Girl.

Today, That Girl Is Known As

“Sunny Leone“

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

Chodumal Khan Saahab Bade Khushe The Aaj, Dosto Ke Puchne Pe Apni Khushi Shayari Mein Byaan Ki
.
Aaj Uska Dil Phir Dukha Diya Hamne,
.
Apne Pyar Ka Karz Chuka Diya Hamne,
.
De Kar Laalach Use Ice Cream Ka,
.
Andhere Mein Apna Choosa Diya Hamne.

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

 Ek Lady Dentist Ke Paas Gayi Chack Karane.

Dentist Check Karke Bola: “Kya Aap Oral B Karti Ho?”

Lady: “Ji Doctor Saab, Oral Bhi Karna Padta Hai, Uske Bina To Mere Husband Ka Khada Hi Nahi Hota.”

Ab Aap Batao Dirty Dentist Tha Ya Aurat?

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

 After People’s not big responce 2 Pornstar
Sunny Leonne’s “JISM2”
……
…
…
…
…
I am thinking dat Aamir khan said were right in
3 IDIOT
“Jo jis kaam mein Perfect ho , usse wohi krna
chahiye

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

Teacher Ask a Question To The Whole Class.

“Students, Give 3 Advantage Of Banana.”

Boys:
1. Rich Calcium.
2. Reduces Cholesterol.
3. No Risk Of Cancer.

Girls:
1. No Risk Of Pregnancy.
2. No HIV.
3No Need Of Partner.

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

Santa Khana Khaate-Khaate Apni Biwi (Preeto) Pe Chillata Hai.

Santa: “Arey, Ye Sabzi Mein Baal Ka Guchha Kya Kar Raha Hai?”

Preeto: “Arrey, Wo Mere Neeche Ke Baal Hain.”

Santa: “Hadd Hai, Ye Sabzi Mein Kyu Daalein Hain?”

Preeto: “Aap Hi To Roz Kehte Ho Ki Khane Mein Jhaant Bhar Ka Bhi Swaad Nahi Aata, To Isliye Aaj Maine Daal Diye.“

Whatsapp Adult Jokes Status Collection On February 2014

Ghalib -
Humein Apno Ne Luta, Gairon Mein Kahan Dum Tha, Hamari Kashti Waha Dubi, Jahan Paani Kam Tha..
Ghalib Ki Biwi :-
Tum To The Hi Chutiye, Tumhari Gaand Mein Kahan Dum Tha,
Wahan KyaMaaChudane Gaye The, Jahan Paani Kam Tha..!!
***
Santa kuwari saali se: Teri didi busy hai tu baby ko dudh pila de
Sali: Mere me dudh nahi aata
Santa: Kamaal hai, display bhari aur stock khaali?
***
Dukhi Girlfirend ne apne Bewafa Boyfriend ke liye ek shaayri likhi:
Phulon ka Raja,
Bahaaron ka Shehzada,
.
.
.
.
SEAL tod kar chala gaya Bhosdi ka Haramzada
***
Santa: Baby ko kya pilati ho?
Biwi: Doodh & Orange juice
Santa: Oye! Tune kabhi bataya nahi, orange juice kis side se aata hai??
***
Hindi Teacher: Gaali kya hai?
Student: Krodh ke samay mukh se nikle ashudh shabdon ka samuh Jinke uchcharan ke paschat vyakti ke Hriday ko shanti ka anubhav hota hai.
Teacher: Kya maa chod raha hai...!
***
Santa & wife went for counseling.
Wife had issues of neglecting & loneliness.
Doctor got up, undressed her, squeezed, caressed, kissed and fucked her for 30 minutes.
Doc: This is what she needs, thrice a week. Can u do it?
Santa: I can drop her on Mon & Wed but on Friday I have tablaa class.

Funny Whatsapp Jokes Message On my boss

A boss said to his secretary I want
to have SEX wit U I will make it very
FAST. I'll throw R1000 on the floor,
by the time you bend down to pick
it I'll be DONE
" She thought for a moment then
called her boyfriend and told him
the story.
Her boyfriend then said 2 her, do it
but "Ask him for R2000, pick up
the money very fast he wouldn't
even have much time to
undress himself " So she agrees.
Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend
decides to call girlfriend, he asks,
what happened? She
responds,"The Bastard used COINS
I'm still PICKING UP and he is still
fucking!!!

Funny Whatsapp Jokes Message On My Whatsapp

Some Adult whatsapp jokes message. send it to your whatsapp friend.

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

When a man loves, they mean it.
It takes a proud woman not to see how much they are loved.
Sad story-its life anyway, if you think he's less your standards, then you wrong-you know nothing about his future...
Stick to what you have for a better testimony...
The past has gone-watch out for what's about to happen...

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

A man and a woman were having drinks
when they got
into an argument about who enjoyed
sex more. The
man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex
more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed
with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the
woman countered.
"Think about this...when your ear itches
and you put
your finger in it and wiggle it around,
then pull it out,
which feels better-your ear or your
finger?".

• Whatsapp Jokes Status

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

Whatsapp One Liner Jokes Status Collection

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?
A: a cucumber

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn't close his casket.

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?

A: Because his wife died!
Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A: a rip off
Q: Why did the snowman smile?

A: Because the snowblower is coming. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back,
Ok, send me your mother."

Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: He only comes once a year. Girl: "Hey, what's up?" Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican?
A: They steal all the green cards.

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!


Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it." Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ? A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? A: Tug-of-whore. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese. Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his cock! Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: What's a porn star's favorite drink? A: 7 Up in cider. Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 9 black guys?
A: Steve Nash.

Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

A: Because their plugged into a genius!
Q: What do you call an artist with a brown finger?


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" Q: Why don't black people go on cruises? A: They already fell for that trick once. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog! Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid on Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.? A: E.T. eventually went home! Q: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? A: Because the 'p' is silent Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: A lickalotopis Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and horny? A: Where you put the cucumber. What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer?
A: He was shooting for the stars.

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass. Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A: A virgin. Q: What kind of bees produce milk? A: Boobies Q: Did you hear about the African American girl who was quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. Q: Whats the worst thing about dating a blonde? A: If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they. Q: What did the penis say to the vagina? A: Don't make me cum in there. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What do you call ball's on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!

Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist?
 A: He joined the que que que.

Q: What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
 A: A tearjerker.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

Q: Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters. What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
 A: The grass tickles their balls

Q: How do you rape a camel? A: One hump at a time.

Q: What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a pool?
 A: Vegetable soup.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
A: Her navel.

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Q: What do you call a Spanish chick with no legs?
A: Cuntswaylow

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!

Q: What's the difference between a hair stylist and a nail stylist?
A: One does hand jobs and one does blow jobs!

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hairballs.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
A: He got behind in his work.

Q: What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion?
A: a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye!

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
 A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What's the difference between a redneck and poor white trash?
A: a redneck will knock his sister up; poor white trash will marry her.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
A: FUCKS FUNNY

Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?
A: ........... a shit (think about it)

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
A: They both only change their pads after every third period!

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
 A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?
A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..