Job At The Zoo Funny English Jokes Whatsapp Messages 30 Dec 2014

Read the most funny English jokes, whatsapp messages and latest funny messages idea for whatsapp.

An unemployed guy got a new job  at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla's akin and pretend to be a gorrila so people Will keep coming to the zoo.
On his first day on the job , the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people DLL cheer to see him. He starts really putting  on a show , jumping around , beating his chest and roaring.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming," help, help!"
The lion races over to him , places his pawas on his chest and hisses ," Shut up or we'll  Both lose our jobs!"...

Funny English Jokes Whatsapp Messages 29 Dec 2014

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
" You. Aren't so good in bad either!" He shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings , his wife picked up the phone.
" What took you so long to answe"" I was in bad."
" What were you doing in bed this late?"
" Getting a second opinion ."

" Isn't the principal a dummy !" Said a boy to a girl.  " say , do you know who I am?"asked the girl.
" No ".
" I'm the principal's daughter."
" And do you know who I am?" Asked the boy.
" No," she replied .
" Thanks goodness!"...

Employer to applicant : " in this job we need  someone who is responsible.". Applicant :" I'm the one you want. On my last  job, every time anything wen wrong, they said I was responsible"..

Clean Funny English Jokes To Text On Whatsapp Friend

Sent some funny clean jokes to your friends whatsapp. here are very funny jokes for you.

A politice to a woman ," You look beautiful today ."
The woman replied," Thanks, but unfortunately I can not say the same about you."." Sure you could,"said the political man, " if you could lie as well as I do."...

" Mary ," asked dawn thoughtfully  one day ," what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman ?"." Another woman with my husband ?" Marry thought t ovet. Let's see ; I'd break her cane , shoot her guide dog , and call a cab to take her back to the  institution she escaped from ."...

Love is like cigar .it starts with fire.
Continues with smoke ...  And ends with s smoke.
" But don't worry we are chain smokers."

Dilbert :- What are you writing?
Dogbert :- A new self - help book for compulsive shoppers.
Dilbert :- What do you known about compulsive shoppers?
Dogbert :- I known they buy a lot of books...

8 Extreme Adult Hindi Non Veg Jokes Of The Week

Make a funny whatsapp messages with hindi non veg jokes. Below some sexy funny adult humorous Jokes collection for your whatsapp friend.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Sardar: Hamne Mobile Marrige Bureau shuru kiya hai:

"Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye, Mangni k liye 2 dabye, Shadi k liye 3 dabye."

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Kiss is not like Nokia…Connecting People

Kiss is not like Nike… Just Do It.

Kiss is not like Pepsi… Yeh Dil Maange More

But Kiss is like Pan Parag… Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

You r genius, your mind is a master piece.

It is divided into left and right.

In the left side nothing is right

And in right side nothing is left.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Maths teacher to santa,if u had 1000Rs

in ur pocket and 1000Rs in d other pocket,

wat would u think ?

Santa: YEH PANT KIS KI HAI.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Kanjoos boss 2 worker:

Tumne is saal mehnat se kaam kia hai, is liye 5000 ka bonus cheque de raha hoon.

Agar isi tarha kaam karoge to agle saal is pe sign bhi kar dunga.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai esa kyu kar rahe ho,

kyu nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?

Anil: Kyu ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?

Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

Non Veg Adult Hindi Jokes

Sardar: oey mera shampo k sath wala gift de,

Shopkeper: sardar g uske sath koi gift nai tha,

Sardar: O bakwas na kar Oye shampo pe

likheya tha “Dandruf Free”

Adult Nurse Jokes Whatsapp Message: Anyone See My Pussy

Nurse lost her Cat.

Nurse in the hospital- any 1 got a pussy?

All women stood up,

Nurse,I mean any one seen a pussy,

All men stood up.

Nurse,I meant any one seen my pussy, (All doctors stood up).....

Adult English Funny Jokes Whatsapp Message 24 Oct 2014

Two old ladies were on holiday in Greece and had landed up
at one of the local museums. As they wandered around they
came across a magnificent 12 foot statue of a greek god,
naked apart from a fig leaf. One of the old ladies stood
transfixed.
“Come on, Mabel,” said the other. “What are you waiting for,
Christmas?”
“No, just autumn,” she replied.

Whatsapp Message: Adult Hilarious Jokes Of The Night

JOKE OF THE NIGHT A woman passed her
daughter's room and heard a
strange buzzing noise. Opening
the door, she
saw her daughter
with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked why?? The daughter replied:mom, I'm
thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing
is as close as I'll
ever get to a husband. So
Please,leave me alone. Next day, the father heard the
same buzz and
upon entering, he also saw the
same scene. To his query,the daughter
again said: dad I'm thirty-five,
unmarried, and
this
thing is about as close as I'll
ever get to a husband. Please, leave me
alone. A couple days later, the wife
came home from
shopping and heard that
buzzing noise coming
from,
the living room. On entering she saw her
husband sitting on the
couch,downing a cold beer, and
staring at the
TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch,
buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: What the f#*k
are you doing? The husband replied: I'm
watching football with
my
son-in-law..

Like Father Like Son - Whatsapp English Funny Jokes Message

A funny english whatsapp message on like father like son: adult jokes

A dad sees his son swatting a honeybee. He says, "For that, no honey for a month. The next day, he sees his son killing a butterfly. He says, "For that no butter for a month." The next day, he sees his wife kill a cockroach. The son says, "Dad you want to tell her or should I?"

Secretary Fu*king Story: Funny English Jokes

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SE*X with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still f*cking!"

English Adult Dirty Jokes 09 Oct 2014

An admiral visits one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.

The cook replied, "Well Admiral, after each one is cut out I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the insignia."

Horrified the Admiral exclaims, "Well that's very unhygenic!"

The cook shrugs and replies, "Well... if you feel that way Sir, I suggest you steer well clear of the donuts!"

English Jokes Whatsapp Latest Funny Message 18 Sep 2014

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of the females thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and enquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry" replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is getting really interested, enquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "F*** me! Can it whistle as well?"

Funniest English WhatsApp Jokes Message 18 Sep 2014

A man stumbles into the police station yelling blue murder
that his car has been stolen.
“Can you tell me where you left it, Sir?” asks the duty
sergeant.
“On the end of this bloody key,” he screeches.
Now it had been a difficult evening and the duty sergeant’s
temper was at boiling point. He retorted, “Listen here, you
wretched little man, you’re so bloody drunk, you can’t
remember anything and your whole behaviour is
disgraceful. Why! you’ve even left your flies undone.”
“Fucking hell,” slurred the drunk, “they’ve stolen my
girlfriend as well.”

A Superb Funny English Jokes: Monday Morning

Funny English jokes found on whatsapp fun group.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers..
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

now....
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Sometimes Women are cleverer than men, so
Don't mess with them !!!!!!!

Adult English Jokes: Whatsapp Message Sent 11 Sep 2014

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing. He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. "Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

Superb Funny Dirty English Jokes On Married Couple

One morning in December, a happily married couple rises from their night’s rest. The husband
rolls over to his beautiful wife and asks how her night was.
She replies, “It was great! I had the best dream in the world.”
Intrigued, the husband urges her to go on.
“Well, I had a dream that I had the most beautifully decorated Christmas tree ever! It was covered
with cocks: big ones, long ones, hard ones, smooth ones, every kind of dick you could imagine.”
The husband, now gloating a little asks, “Was mine at the top for the shining star?”
“No, yours was at the bottom with the broken, wrinkly, tiny ones. How was your night, honey?”
Now pissed off, he replies, “Well, my dream was even better than yours! I dreamed that we had a
Christmas tree decorated with the most beautiful vaginas ever: tight ones, pink ones, smooth ones,
every kind of vagina.”
“Was mine at the top for your shining star?”
Then the husband replies, “No, yours was holding up the fucking tree!”

English Funny Whatsapp Message - The eligible bachelor

A rich single man in his 50's went on vacation to a beautiful resort hotel. On his first day there, a
lady, also in her 50's, saw him in the restaurant and watched his every move. The same thing
happened the second day and the third. Finally he went to the woman and said, “Why are you
staring at me all the time?” She said, “Because you remind me of my fourth husband.” He
asked, “How many times have you been married?” She replied, “Three!”

Funny Whatsapp Message About Wife: English Jokes

A Funny English Jokes message on women...
Wife comes home late at night ..and ....quietly opens the door ...to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can......
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink....... 
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
--Hi darling, 
Husband says, -Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them.....:p

Funny English Jokes Message: Why Boy Always Happy Creatures

Boys are always Happy Creatures...WHY?
1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversatns last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,
7-They dont freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.
Pass this to women who can digest it..and
To Men who'll enjoy reading it

English Funny Whatsapp Message Jokes 14 July 2014

During the exam... musana
kept looking under the table
Lecturer : I m gonna minus 10
marks.
Musana : Why sir ?....
Lecturer : for copying !
Musana : How do know that I was
copying ?
Lecturer: I saw u looking under the
table!
Musana
*laughing* hahahahahaha! Don't
come with your
white tendency here ,Question 9
says " STUDY THE TABLE BELOW

Enjoy English Funny Jokes Whatsapp Message 13 July 2014

A couple gets married. Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon
in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs ... and he starts to cry.
She says, “What’s the matter?”
He says, “Forty years ago, I couldn’t wait to eat it, and now it looks like it can’t wait to eat ME!”

A woman walked into the ladies’ room and saw a man standing up using the toilet.
Shocked, she exclaimed, “This is just for women!”
“So is this,” he replied.

The men were talking in the clubhouse bar after spending a
day on the greens. Each was recounting their golfing
experiences.One said, “If I’m going round on my own, the dog comes to
keep me company and if I go one over par on a hole he
somersaults backwards.
“That’s incredible!” responded the others.
Warming to the subject, the man continued.
“Yes, and if I go 2 over par at a hole, he does a double
somersault backwards.”
“Amazing,” came the response, “that’s quite a feat, how
does he do it.”
“Oh I kick him twice.”