X-Rated English Jokes For Whatsapp Funny Messages: Adams Rib

Adams Rib

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…”

Adam asked God, “What will this woman cost?”

God said, “An arm and a leg…”

Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”..

Top 10 Short And Funny English Jokes Whatsapp Messages 05 Aug 2015

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred...

Ques :- What  is the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter ?.
Ans :- One svrewin the wrong place and the whole cabinet fall apart.!

A dress is like  a barbed fence .it protects the premises restricting the view...

One day a wife asked her husband what would he do if she were to die. The husband replied," I'll also die ."The wife asked him,"Why ?"
Husband replied , well , you know I have a weak heart and most likely I would not be able to tolerate that much happiness."


Boss ( to liftman ) :- " Mr batt is feeling ill . would you be so kind  as to escort him home ?"
Liftman. :- " Certainly, Sir anything  else?"
Boss :" yes, As this is test Match week , deliver him and get a receipt.!


Two club members were talking about a recent car accident ," What ever became of that hit- and- rum driver?" ' He's batting for the prison cricket team !"...


why is breast milk good for health?
Because it is great for blood circulation , provides heat, us refreshing and comes in attractive containers...

Naughty English Jokes - Whatsapp Fun Messages

Three nuns arrived at the Pearly Gates and each was asked a
question before they were allowed to enter. The first nun was
asked to name the first man.
“Adam,” she replied, and the gates opened for her.
The second nun was asked to name the first woman.
“Eve,” she replied, and again the gates opened.
Then a question was put to the third nun.
“What were the first words that Eve said to Adam?”
“Gosh! That is a hard one,” she replied, and once more the
gates opened for her to go inside.

Funny English Jokes Whatsapp Picture Messges 04 April 2015

a lady went to paris,and got lost at the streets
and she asked an old man for directions
LADY:excuse me sir, where does this street go?
.
.
the old man replied .
.
.
OLD MAN:im sorry dear,i grew old here and walk this road a thousand times but
i have never seen that street go anywhere..

Boy, Girl Funny Whatsapp Chat Messages Jokes 18 Jan 2015

Girl saw her boyfriend with another girl holding
hands...
Girl messages him !
..
Girl : Where r u?
..
Boy : I m at home !
..
Girl : Oh Ok well I saw your twin, same like you with someone else.
Hahaha! And he is behind me.
..
Boy looked at her and felt ashamed then
he message her!
..
Boy : Its me, I'm so sorry, I swear I would
never do that again! Your trust made me feel proud to have you in my life. I'll be
yours only!
..
Girl : That's ok but I am stupid to love you
again but not an idiot enough to trust you
again!
..
Boy : Well I will try my best to win your trust again.
..
Boy left the other girl.
.
.
A relationship all depends on trust,
if
someone trusts you blindly never ever
prove them blind. ...

Naughty Jokes: WhatsApp Funny Text Messages For Friend

Camp Fire One Night Funny Whatsapp Messages

A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

Funny English Jokes On The Italian Man 12 Jan 2015

The most Funny Jokes In English On The Italian Man

U Speaka Da English?
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Real More

Just Read The Awesome English Adult Jokes Whatsapp Messages 11 Jan 2014

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming… she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move.
Husband: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with when you are travelling…
Husband: Okay…Lets have sex now…
Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you…
After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will f*ck this robot…he tried f*cking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way…
“SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE… SYSTEM ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”
Husband: Damn robot is not working properly…I am throwing it out of the window…The man realized that he was on the 20th floor and said…
“SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…”

Favorite Position Adult English Jokes Whatsapp Messages 10 Dec 2014

Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the “rodeo”. The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first cowboy says, “You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she’s really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear : “Your sister likes this position too.”
Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.

Very Bad English Offensive Jokes Whatsapp Messages

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island. Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing....so they bury her.

Adult English Jokes 18+ Whtsapp Messages Idea

Collection of some funny whats-app messages on adult jokes, clean jokes in English and Hindi most funny non veg jokes.

A jokes in English
Two old sea-dogs were mulling over old times in the Black
Dog Public House. One had a wooden leg and the other had
an eye patch and a hook on the end of his arm.
“So how did you lose your leg?” asked one-eyed Jack.
“It were back in ‘49. Our ship went down in rough seas off the
coast of China and some bloody big shark came along and bit
it off. The bastard! So what about you and your hook?”
“That was down to Hardacre’s lads. They chased us halfway
across the channel before boarding us. But we put up a great
fight. Shook the beggars off in the end. Just a shame it wasn't
before one of them cut my arm off.”
“And what about the eye patch?”
“Seagull shit.”
“What! I don’t believe it.”
“As true as I’m sitting here,” said Jack. “I happened to look
up at the sun and this seagull shat in my eye.”
“And that’s what made you blind?”
“No, but it was only the second day with my new hook.”

Funny Picture On Dog And Cat

Boys, Girls Funny Whatsapp Chat Jokes 03 Nov 2014

How to start chatting on whatsapp with a girl, don't here are some funny chat jokes idea. remember if the girl were so clever then she might be reply you like this.

Boy – if I kiss u and run, what will u think?

Girl – I’ll think that you are the best idiot in this world.

*******

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??

*******

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

*******

Boy : Did you miss me while I was away??
Girl : Were you away??

*******

Boy : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
Girl : What time was it??

Old Superb Funny English Jokes 28 Oct 2014

IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you - you’ve broken your finger!”

THE DOCTOR

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’

18+ Adult Jokes In English - Not For Child

Doctor, doctor, I’m having trouble with my todger, can you
do anything for me?” said the distressed man.
After a thorough examination the doctor told him that he
must have been so sexually active in the past that he’d almost
worn it out. The fact is that he’d only got the use of it for
another 25 shags. The young man went home to his wife and
told her what the doctor had said.
“Oh no!” she cried, “We mustn’t waste any of them, we’ll
have to draw up a carefully planned timetable.”
“I’ve already done that,” he said, “on the way home, and
there isn’t a slot left for you.”

Whatsapp Sexy English Jokes message - The old farmer married a young girl

The old farmer married a young girl of 18 and after a few
months of idyllic married life, he went to see his doctor.
“The problem is I’m having to work many hours on the farm
but I have to keep breaking off when I get the urge, to run
back to the house, jump into bed and do the business. Then
it’s back to work, and it’s knackering me.”
The doctor suggested that his wife should come to see him
out in the fields.
“Every time you get the urge,” said the doctor, “fire a shot
from your gun to let your wife know you’re waiting for her.
A few months passed and then the doctor met the old farmer
in the high street.
“How’s the shotgun plan working?” he asked.

Sexy Adult English Jokes On Whatsapp 24 April 2014

Most Sexy and very funny English jokes message from whastapp, Every day update some cool jokes for whatsapp sharing.
Two men were talking over the garden fence when the fire
station’s alarm went off. Immediately, Jack bid his mate
goodbye and headed for the gate.
“Heh Jack,” his mate shouted out to him, “how long have
you been a volunteer fireman?”
“I’m not,” replied Jack, “but my lover’s husband is.”

2014 English Superb Sexy Adult Jokes - Wife With A Naked man

A man returned home early from work to discover his wife
in bed with a naked man. “How dare you!” he bellowed.
“Come here you bastard, I’ll teach you a lesson you won’t
forget.”
“Now wait a minute, Tom,” interrupted his wife. “You
remember that new car I got last spring? Well, he gave it to
me. And that smashing holiday we went on, well, he paid for
that. And I think we could do with a new roof on the house
soon.”
“Whatever are you thinking of?” replied the husband. “He’ll
get cold if you don’t cover him up, and I’m sure he could do
with a nice cup of tea.”

English Epic Adult Jokes Whatsapp Message

English Epic Adult Jokes Whatsapp Message

A bloke walked into the pub and was astounded at the sight
of the barman. He was built like a brick shithouse with
muscles bulging out all over, tattoos everywhere, unshaven
and sweaty.
After a moment or two the barman became aware of the
looks he was getting and said, “What the bloody hell are you
looking at?”
“Sorry, mate, it’s just that you look just like someone I know.
You’re almost identical…if it wasn’t for the moustache…”
“But I haven’t got a moustache,” said the barman.
“No, but my wife has.”

Best Funny Whatsapp English Jokes Message

An ageing old rook was talking to a bull in a field.
“I wish I could fly to the top of that tree, but these days, I just
haven’t got the energy,” he said sadly.
“I’ve got an idea,” replied the bull. “If you eat part of my
droppings you’ll get extra energy because they’re packed
with minerals and vitamins.”
So the rook did as he suggested and each day ate part of the
bull’s droppings. Sure enough, after a couple of weeks, the
rook felt so revived he soared to the top of the tree and
proudly surveyed the surrounding countryside. However, he
was spotted by a farmer who immediately got hold of his
shotgun and killed the bird stone-dead.
“Oh dear,” sighed the bull. “I should have warned him. Bull
shit may get you to the top, but it doesn’t mean you’ll stay
there.”....

Adult English Whatsapp Jokes Message

The wife’s mother rushed into the maternity wing to find out
how her daughter was progressing. As she entered the
waiting room, she spotted her son-in-law. Unbeknown to her,
he was listening to the cricket on his IPod.
“How’s it going?” she asked anxiously.
“Not bad,” he smiled, “they’ve got four out and there’s only
one to go.”
“Aaah,” she screamed, and fainted.