Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his
wife is finishing up her shower, when the
doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a towel and runs downstairs. When she
opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-
door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs. When she gets to the
bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she
replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand
up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed
to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and
seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job,
opportunities for advancement will pass right
by you.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of
you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff!
She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's
gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the
manager. The manager says, "I want those two
back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and
asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would
love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was
promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It
was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your
enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is
your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to
keep your mouth shut!
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